UPDATED:  MAR 16, 2008

DEMOCRATS IN THE “DUMBASS” DUMPSTER 

Until now it seemed impossible that John McCain could win the upcoming presidential election.  But as we speak, sadly the Democrats seem to be making it easier for a McCain victory with each passing day.  Their penchant for self-destruction is without precedence.  Hillary Clinton and her attack dogs in the grass, no matter how subtle they want to appear, is the stuff of gutter fighting.  It’s the stuff that made Karl Rove famous.  But let’s back up.  What should our goals be as Democrats? 

Our number one priority as Democrats is to see to it that a Democrat wins the election and get seated in the Oval Office come November, right?  Everybody got that?  Is there a need to debate what perils we might face if John McCain wins and continues the Bush madness that has already caused America to hemorrhage blood, bucks, and honor?  So if we are truly dedicated to electing a Democrat then we must maintain our strength, close ranks, and give it our best shot to neutralize GOP spin and lies, instead of giving them a leg up to attack our candidates.  Electing a Democrat to the White House, given a most dismal GOP performance on Bush’s watch, would look like a cake walk.  All we need do is to look at the real corruption and destruction we and the rest of the world have endured at the hands of Bush, his lapdog Congress, and the “Have Mores” for the last 7 years, eh?  But look at us!  We are showing the voters more of the same old division that has served Bush so well as he proceeded to shred our rights under the Constitution, to destroy our dollar, and to hurl us into unnecessary and costly wars that continue to line the pockets of his exclusive, no-bid contract, corporate cronies. 

I still admire Hillary Clinton for many reasons, for her positions and voting record on key Democratic issues.  But what’s she thinking?  Is there nothing she would not do to get elected?  For lack of better arguments, I can see why she jabs at Obama for his lack of experience.  The argument pales in comparison to Obama’s appeal to do the right thing for the people.  But just imagine this junction of the presidential race where the Democrats are divided amongst themselves over race!  That’s right, race!  Pretty petty.  Something you might expect from Limbaugh or some other such slime, but from the Democrats, no less?  Geraldine Ferraro gave a speech recently, and in the question and answer session afterwards, she said that Barack Obama would not find himself to be a front-runner for president if he were not black!  (Excuse my lightning, slack-jawed double take)!  What idiocy!  What juvenile crapola!  What an embarrassment.   

As a Democrat, did it slip Ferraro’s mind that our main purpose is elect a Democrat to fill the Oval Office?  Did Geraldine lose her senses?  Why would she give the opposition a spot to gaff for no good reason?  Why did Ferraro feel the need to put the race question on the table in the first place?  Would she give the GOP some soft underbelly spots to puncture free of charge?  Whose side is she on?  And what does it say about Hillary, that she would not strongly disavow Ferraro’s remarks?  Makes me mad enough to chew a box of roofing nails. 

Later, Ferraro, in a CNN interview, appeared animated and agitated about it all, and blamed the Obama campaign for attacking her for her own remarks.  Played the victim, so help me!  She wanted to dance, but she didn’t want to pay the fiddler, simple as that.  Ferraro made it all about herself, imagine that.  What unwillingness to take responsibility for your own comments, ones that had no place in the race for president.  The GOP knew better than to play the race card and resisted the temptation, and lordy, the Democrats obliged them by playing it for them.  What a study in ignorance!  What a naked display of pure dumbass!  

Granted, it must be difficult for Hillary and the GOP to shovel dirt on Obama, but one would think they could find more creative dirt to sling than his lack of experience.  Recently, Hillary said that both she and McCain had the experience, and that Obama had given a “speech.”  What a bugger of a campaign this has become while dumb old McCain tries to see through the blur of it all and make sense out of why the Democrats are shooting themselves in the foot.  I bet McCain and the Bushites are salivating over the trouble in paradise the Democrats are creating for their date with self-destruction.  I bet old McCain sure appreciates the plug from Hillary, but question is, did she fall and hit her head or what?  Heck, at this rate of self-flagellation, the Neocons won’t have to rig the 2008 election and tamper with ballots and rat f--- known Democrat polling places as in earlier years; it seems the Democrats are hell-bent on making it super easy for the GOP to get a legitimate win this time around. 

Now hear this:  STOP IT!  We are not the enemy; Bush is.  The GOP (whatever hybrid of evil and greed it has come to represent) must not be allowed to keep its hooks in us.  It does not own America or the American people.  It must be stopped from its arbitrary, all-out war against the Constitution, Social Security, and Medicare.  We must legitimately derail GOP efforts to elect another “signing statement” goon to sit in the White House.  We must take a deep breath and agree not to let that happen again, for the sake of the country and our futures.  We must restore our nation to one of solvency and greatness, and that one quest begins with one simple premise:  VOTE THE BASTARD REPUBLICANS OUT OF OFFICE!   

Earth to Democrats:  Do you get it? 

Now that we understand the problem, we must bring pressure to bear to get Clinton and Obama to refocus and to direct their lasers not on each other but on the Republicans.  This presidential race isn’t about egos or who could do better at 3 am if the phone rings.  They both would do well, much better than McCain who would take an hour to rub the sleep out of his eyes and to resist the Dr. Strangelove knee-jerk tendency toward military solutions of aggression and occupation of countries that never harmed the United States.  Never has the Democratic Party had a better opportunity to nominate and elect a fine, principled candidate to beat McCain.  I mean, the GOP is pretty sorry if that’s all they got.  The nation and world knows it.   

But if we muck up ourselves in petty, irrational displays that do not amount to a bucket of cow chips, then we have to be the biggest dumbasses of all.  And I don’t buy that as even a possibility.  We Democrats need to pull ourselves out of the Democrat Dumbass Dumpster.  Call and tell Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to knock it off.  To stop it.  And to focus on the big picture so we can get on to a White House victory and rebuilding what’s left of Bush’s scorched earth presidency.  And to stop acting like trash-talkin’ gutter Republicans.   

We’re better than that.