archived: 20 - 26 Apr, 2008         Back                 Next

UPDATED:  APR 24, 2008 

“Campaign Games” 

A couple of weeks ago I ran a satirical piece on BuzzFlash that our Editor/Publisher Steve Gheen really liked.  Some of my readers thought that it was a rather pale imitation of my favorite political humorist, Andy Borowitz (and I did too), but since Steve liked it, I thought that I would share it with you, along with two other attempts at political humor from BuzzFlash.  The one the Steve liked is the third in this series.  The first two sort of lead into it.  I have added bits of current political commentary here and there, in parentheses. 

From BuzzFlash, Jan. 7, 2008 (http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/jonas/093) 

Senator John McCain celebrated his surprising 4th place finish in Iowa by announcing the next in a series of surprising endorsements he has been receiving since November. The first was that of Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS), the self-described "Faith Candidate" representing Christian fundamentalism. Before endorsing Sen. McCain, Sen. Brownback had recently dropped out of the contest for the Republican Presidential nomination. That of course is the same John McCain who took apart the Christian fundamentalist leadership in the 2000 Presidential campaign. (You know, McCain the straight-talking maverick.)

At about the same time, back in November, Pat Robertson came out with his endorsement of Rudy Giuliani. (Who?) Then in December, McCain picked up the endorsement of the party-less Sen. Joe Lieberman (who, as if on cue, has just started red-baiting Obama). This despite the fact that McCain had previously declared that he did not regard non-Christians as qualified to govern (The Progress Report, "Blackout and Brownout," Oct. 1, 2007). Now, with Huckabee's win in Iowa coupled with his own (media-described) “strong” showing, McCain happily announced another endorsement from the Christian Right. That personage is none other than the Robertson brother-in-hate, Jerry Falwell.

When a reporter questioned how that could be when Falwell was dead, the spokesman first said that that in fact was a matter of controversy, "you know, like global warming." Then he asked a question back: "What, you think that Robertson is alive? And after all," he went on, "the Senator's good friend Joe Lieberman, although breathing, is not qualified to govern and is therefore dead as a political figure. But in any case," the spokesman further allowed, "following Senator Brownback's lead about what counts in life, we take the Falwell endorsement on faith."  

From BuzzFlash, Feb. 19, 2008 (http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/jonas/102) 

On "Morning Joe" on MSNBC today, without referring to the specific texts that he quoted, Howard Wolfson, media director for the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign, continued to call out Sen. Barack Obama as a plagiarist.  (My, the Clintons and their flacks have spent a long time calling out Sen. Obama on various things, now haven’t they?  Nothing’s worked yet, but you do have to give them credit for continuing to try.)  He noted that Gov. Deval Patrick of Massachusetts, a political supporter and long-time friend and colleague of Sen. Obama, had used the same quotes in a speech that Sen. Obama did. "This amounts to a major crack in the Sen. Obama's credibility," Mr. Wolfson said, again without referring to the specific famous historical quotes that the Senator had used.

Mr. Wolfson then went further, announcing that today four suits for plagiarism were being lodged against Sen. Barack Obama, by Presidents Thomas Jefferson, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and John F. Kennedy, along with the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., all of whom Mr. Wolfson has already resurrected. In doing so, he noted that Sen. John McCain has resurrected Rev. Jerry Falwell to provide him with an endorsement (as noted just above) and that Sean Hannity was doing his level best to resurrect Ronald Reagan so that he could once again run for President.  But, Wolfson said, he has outdone both of those worthies.

Of course it was Thomas Jefferson who wrote the statement that Sen. Obama lifted from the Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident," Franklin Delano Roosevelt who spoke those stirring words, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself," John F. Kennedy who uttered the great call to the American people, "Do not ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country," and the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., who proclaimed that "I have a dream."

The suits will be filed today in State Courts in Wisconsin, Texas, Ohio, and Pennsylvania, where the campaign would be asking for very quick rulings. Wolfson was absolutely sure that this move would show the power of the Clintons (on the resurrection front) and bring back to her camp those voters who believe in such things. Asked if the campaign was not grasping at straws by making such a ganze megillah out of something that politicians do every day, quoting from the all-time great statements and speeches by our nation's all-time great leaders, Wolfson said: "We're not grasping at straws; we are simply eating whatever lines are fed us." 

Finally, from BuzzFlash, April 8, 2008 (http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/jonas/109) 

Last week, in supporting their campaign's decision to "stay in it until the end," former President Clinton said words to the effect of "real Democrats want every vote to count," and also, it could be implied, "want to count every vote." Thus, he said there would be no pulling back, pulling out of the remaining primary contests. Those voters who had not yet had a chance to vote in a Democratic primary had every right to have their votes counted, for their candidates of choice.  

From the Clintons' perspective, this is the case even though it is virtually impossible for Hillary Clinton to win the nomination barring:

a) some disastrous new information coming out about Sen. Obama (and they are doing their best to make the complete distortion of his totally correct “workers are bitter” comment such an event, handing their putative buddy John McCain yet another hammer to bang Obama with on a silver platter --- by the time this appears, let’s hope that Obama has disposed of it just like he has disposed of every other false but Republican-friendly issue the Clintons have tried)

b) getting the rules vis-à-vis the Florida and Michigan delegations changed,

c) her receiving some totally unpredicted results in the remaining primaries to garner a totally unpredicted number of yet-to-be-elected pledged delegates going her way,

d) her suddenly reversing the trending of super-delegate endorsement announcements towards Sen. Obama,

e) her convincing committed Obama delegates that they should actually vote for her while at the same time, given the rule she would like to have adopted that there is no such thing as "committed" delegates, being able to hold onto all of hers.

At any rate, it has now been reliably reported that Bill Clinton, in his drive to have every vote count, is inviting back into the remaining primaries every other Democratic candidate for the nomination who had previously dropped out, with just a couple of exceptions. He has thus clearly stated that he wants all of those Democrats who did not originally support either his wife or Senator Obama to have their voices heard between now and the last primaries to be held in early June. Actually, he is determined to have those contests be carried "all the way to the convention," regardless of given candidate's personal preference.  

And so, he has invited back into the campaign, former Senator Edwards (who has not yet endorsed either his wife or Senator Obama), Senator Biden (who has not yet endorsed either his wife or Senator Obama), and Senator Dodd (who has endorsed Sen. Obama, but rather quietly and anyway is a very senior Democratic Senator). The former President pointedly excluded Gov. Richardson from his list, describing him as "a traitor, and we cannot have traitors running for President," former Sen. Gravel, describing him as “a joke, not even having the grace to hire good writers like good Democrats do (see his wife's appearance with Jay Leno and her attempt to make a joke out of the "Bosnia-sniper-fire" fiasco,") and Rep. Kucinich, whom he described as "not a real Democrat" for he is for single-payer health insurance, establishing a Department of Peace, and complete, immediate, and unconditional withdrawal from Iraq.

Asked how he would propose to fund his proposal, "by borrowing, of course. After all, we are for providing the broadest foundation for democracy in our country." He went on to say that if President Bush can borrow hundreds of billions of dollars to support what he claims is the establishment of democracy in the Middle East, an effort that the former President's wife once voted to support, there is no reason why their campaign should not borrow a few million to support this new effort at spreading democracy that he is proposing. The former President did leave the proposed source of those borrowed funds unspecified, but sources noted that he was looking into the possibility of starting with a request to the government of Colombia, once his wife's real position on "free trade" (otherwise known as the free export of capital and jobs) was clarified.

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