UPDATED: SEP 27, 2007

 “THE GREAT REPUBLICAN COMEDY HOURS”                                             

The Republican Presidential “Debates” are nothing of the kind, when one considers any reasonable definition of the word “debate.”  They are really joint press conferences with one subject: “how can you most clearly state your positions on any subject of national importance so that that statement will have the most appeal to the far right-wing of your supposed ‘Republican Base’?”  Note that the question is not “what positions are you taking on the major matters of national policy that are designed to best solve the identified problem(s)?”  Since the former, not the latter, is the question, the responses have at times ranged from the humorous to the ironic.  The entry of the latest Republican actor to try his hand at acting Presidential (remember ------ George Murphy ----- gotcha!), not covered in this particular column, has done nothing to change this situation.  

On Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney was originally anointed as the candidate of the Republican Far Right by the Fox "News" Channel when it started touting him right after the 2006 elections. (The Republicans have Rightists and Far-Rightists, and nothing else, it should be noted.) While it is obvious that he has been replaced by Rudy Giuliani, as F”N”C’s fair-haired boy courtesy of Roger Ailes, he still has lots of money and none of the considerable “family values” baggage that Giuliani has.  So he still has a fighting chance (even though he is a Mormon, and even though, according to a Huckabee state-regional campaign operative, “their Christ is not your Christ”).  So as McCain fades, even though he is being as much of a pander-bear to the far-Right as he can be, Romney, Mormon or no, only a very recent convert to anti-choice-ism or no, presently appears to be the only alternative with a chance against Rudy. 

But there are a couple funny things about him.  For example, his mystical "conversion” to anti-choice-ism, he tells us, came during some discussion about human cloning. How you get from there to denying all of us the right to our beliefs about when life begins under the penalty of the criminal law is beyond me, but it seems to be working.  And then he goes and makes his "official" announcement for the Presidency in front of the Henry Ford Museum in Michigan. Interesting choice (and it is a story that seems to have come and gone). Fascinating choice, in fact.  Funny.  But then not-so-funny. 

Henry Ford was the pre-eminent American anti-Semite in the pre-World War II period. He began a close ideological and publishing association with Hitler in the 1920s, and also began funding the Nazi Party at that time. In 1938, Hitler awarded him "The Grand Cross of the Supreme Order of the German Eagle," also given to Mussolini earlier that year. It is interesting to note that during the 1930s, Ford provided major assistance to the Soviet Union in starting up their automobile industry (which of course a decade later would being turning out tanks in untold masses to fight against --- Hitler's tanks, some of which were likely built at the Ford plant in Cologne, which for some strange reason, was never bombed by the Allies).  For this, the 20th century's other great dictator, Stalin, made him a Hero of the Soviet Union. I doubt that there is anyone else in history who has the distinction of holding those two "honors." And it was in front of the Ford museum that the current darling of the Republican Far-Right, Mitt Romney, chose to make his official announcement for the Presidency. Ain't history fun! 

The First Republican Comedy Hour  

Otherwise known as the first Republican presidential debate, it was held on May 3, 2007. It offered some absolutely fascinating lessons for me, and I want to share some of them with you, because they are still very much of value in understanding those folks. I must tell you that hearing these men talk brought many a chuckle to my throat (and at times something else as well, but we won't go into that, even though I am a doctor).

-- All the candidates are in favor of "returning religion to the public square." What, we don't have enough churches, usually two to three, on (or at least near) enough public squares around the country already? 

"People are entitled to their faith," unless, of course, their faith (or lack thereof) tells them that life begins at, for example, the time of viability, not conception.  In the former case, they will be then be subject to criminal penalties should they try to implement their ideas in any way.

-- "People are entitled to their faith," unless, of course, their faith (or lack thereof) tells them that under the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution, persons are entitled to all of the benefits and obligations of the institution of civil marriage, the subject of the law in each of the 50 states, regardless of their sexual orientation.

-- Any one of them will catch Osama bin Laden, with John McCain determined to "go to the gates of hell" (wherever they may be, apparently ready to risk Air Force One in the process) should doing so prove necessary. None of them commented on why President Bush, their President Bush for better or for worse, has failed to do that in 6 ½ years. (Hint, hint, hint, guys, for the next debate, in case a moderator asks you the latter question, it’s most likely one of these: A) bin Laden is a U.S. government asset, B) bin Laden is a Bush Family asset, C) the U.S. has got him, has had him for quite some time, but ain't telling, because 1) he is of much more use for Georgite propaganda “out there” than he would be “in here,” and 2) they would possibly have to try him in at least a semi-open court and boy, would he have some stories to tell.)

-- According to all the Republican Men, America is the most admired nation in the world.

-- Spending will be reduced, mainly by "cutting pork" (although they didn't say which cut of the pig would be cut, theirs or everybody else’s.)

-- Welfare will be eliminated. Apparently they didn't notice that Pres. Clinton actually did that in 1996.

-- Three of the ten don't believe in the Theory of Evolution.

-- Republican corruption is the result of the failure of individuals, not a philosophy or a modus operandi of certain types of people attracted to the Republican Party and Republican politics. Senator Brownback's long-term solution to the problem of Republican corruption is to build up families. That's very long-term, of course. And anyway, he told us, using the favorite Republican/O'RHannibaugh "two wrongs make a right" argument, Democrats are corrupt too. He could name only one example, Cong. William Jefferson.  It must be the fact that the Cong. preserved that cash in his freezer that gives that single story of Democratic corruption so much staying power. It is indeed well-preserved, that is if it is still in someone's freezer.

-- In terms of his long-time opposition to the Iraq War and his "get out now" position on it, the Republicans have their very own Dennis Kucinich. His name is Ron Paul, Cong. from Texas. There are, however, major differences between Ron and Dennis. He is far to the Right on virtually every other issue.  He does not believe in the mandates of the Preamble to the Constitution, which Dennis holds more dearly to his heart than any of the other Democratic candidates, much less any of the Republicans, who totally abhor it, if they are at all familiar with it.  And he does not have an absolutely gorgeous English wife, 30 years younger than he, who is also a serious political progressive and activist.

-- Something called (but never defined by any of them) "Islamofascism" is the single most important foreign policy challenge of the United States. Where it comes from, where one can find its statement of purpose, who its leaders are, what Muslim nation, if any, supports it, how it plans to achieve its goals, from whence does it get it’s weapons and just what kind are they, and etc. were not mentioned.  As for any sort of plan to deal with it, around the world, well, hey, what do you want, details on time, money, and American casualties?  That’s for the nit-pickers.

-- Finally, if any of them except Cong. Paul were elected President, our nation could look forward to the indefinite continuation of the Cheney/Bush policy of Permanent War.

Of course, folks, none of this, which has been repeated pretty much verbatim in subsequent Republican “debates,” is truly funny. If the Democrats don't get their act together and start running against the true Republican agenda as outlined above (and you can find much of it in the 2004 Republican National Platform) as well as on their own positive programs for change, this is, however, what we are in for come Jan. 20, 2009. 

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This column is based in part on “Commentaries” of mine published on BuzzFlash on 2/16/07and 05/07/07. The latter was entitled “The Great Republican Comedy Hour” (singular).  With the addition from material from the first, this column has become the plural version.

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