archived: 25 Nov - 2 Dec, 2007         Back                 Next

UPDATED: NOV 29, 2007  

 “THE GREAT REPUBLICAN COMEDY HOURS, II” 

In my last column on this subject, posted a couple of months ago, I said that the Republican “debates” are nothing of the kind, when one considers any reasonable definition of the word “debate.”  Well now, particularly between the three front runners, Romney, McCain, and Giuliani, they are getting to be a bit more like debates.  They now cover such wonderful subjects as who would cut public services more as President, who would be the most likely to make Bush’s Permanent War even more Permanent (although they never mention Bush’s name if they can at all avoid it), who as President would use torture best while not calling it torture, and who could best use the Bush-policy-created undocumented immigrant issue to bash the Democrats in the Presidential Campaign. 

However, these sessions still feature lengthy presentations on the subject: “how can you most clearly state your positions on any subject of national importance so that that statement will have the most appeal to the far right-wing of your supposed ‘Republican Base’?”  Note that the question is not “what positions are you taking on the major matters of national policy that are designed to best solve the identified problem(s)?”  Since the former, not the latter, is the question, as I noted last time the responses have at times ranged from the humorous to the ironic.  And so, for your further entertainment (if one can call it that), here are some more examples, from a “debate” held last month.  Adding to the humor is the new boy on the block, the one who was previously peeking out of a window, the Acting Senator, Fred Thompson.

From the Republican Comedy Hour of Oct. 9, 2007

-          Starting off with Actor Thompson, he said that he had no reason to believe that a recession is either imminent or even possible.  THE economic problem facing the nation is MANDATORY SPENDING (that is on things like Social Security and Medicare, not prisons and the War on Iraq, of course).  As David Leonhardt of The New York Times said in a column the next day, “Atop G.O.P. It’s Always Sunny.“  Mr. Leonhardt pointed out that Michigan has the nation’s highest unemployment rate.

-          As if he knew what Mr. Leonhardt was going to say the next day, Mitt Romney chimed in that Michigan’s is a “one state recession,” and that, according to Mr. Leonhardt, Romney allowed that “if Republicans wanted to regain voters’ trust in the economy, they had to avoid doom and gloom.”  (I guess that Romney never heard of Herbert Hoover.  He, after all, was the one who kept repeating “prosperity is just around the corner” right up until his historic defeat by Franklin Roosevelt in the depths of the Great Depression in 1932.)

-          John McCain said, as if he were coming up with a truly original thought, that health care costs must be brought under control.  This is just what Richard Nixon said in 1973 when he introduced his national health insurance plan (very similar to the later Clinton Health Plan, as a matter of fact, that Bob Dole, who had introduced the Nixon Plan in the Senate, did so much to crush) that got submerged by Watergate.  At that time national health care costs not adjusted for inflation were less than a tenth of what they are now.  Of course, this cost-reduction is not to be done by any kind of regulation (heaven forefend) but rather by “cutting pork.”  Well, at least he’s for healthy eating, which very not-at-all-new initiative he did endorse just last week (without advocating any spending to promote it, of course).

-          Pastor Huckabee proposed to replace the income tax with a consumption tax.  The Right in this country has been advocating for repeal of the 16^th Amendment for even longer than they have the destruction of Social Security, both campaigns having started the day after the respective legislations went into effect.  Forgetting about the fact that such taxes represent a higher percentage of total income the less of it one has, he was asked if he thought that such a tax would raise adequate revenues, for such things as the War on Iraq (no, the questioner did not refer to it in that term) and prisons, etc.  “Americans won’t stop spending” was his thoughtful reply.

-          Actor Thompson opined that job-loss would be reduced by reducing regulation, even though it is, for example, the reduction of any regulation of the export of capital that has lead to the massive job losses in the United States, hitting such industries as Michigan’s own auto companies especially hard.

-          McCain told us that people are being left behind as their jobs are being exported (and no, he did not use that terminology) because we don’t have proper job re-training programs.  Forgetting that capital is the primary need for job formation and thus not addressing that issue, he also did not address the issue of where the money for such programs would come from as he cuts government spending on everything except prisons and the War on Iraq.

-          Congressman (I-never-saw-an-undocumented-alien-I-didn’t-see-as-just-a-fabulous-political-weapon) Tancredo actually said that the loss of faith in government that is  reflected in every public opinion poll that deals with the subject would be restored by ---- you guessed it, shutting off undocumented/unregulated immigration.  He’s against regulation of anything else, but as for immigration, well ------.

-          Showing his new-found devotion to religion, McCain put forth the pious hope that the oil industry would pursue alternative energy policies.  Taking a huge chance with the Republican “base,” so many of whom are convinced by the Georgite Privatized Ministry of Propaganda that global warming is just an invention of the evil, self-promoting, Al Gore, McCain actually said that we must address climate change.  How? By begging, as above, while reducing regulation even further.  Gosh, I guess he thinks that the Bush governmental-destruction program hasn’t gone far enough.

-          Finally, showing for sure that he can do comedy as well as drama, Actor Thompson stated that since the end of World War II, the U.S. has been the major, the leading, force for stability in the world. 

And Now Let’s Hear From Bush

            As I’ve said, the Republican candidates struggle mightily never to mention George Bush’s name.  In fact, I’m not sure that I have ever heard it coming from one of their mouths, although the questioners do mention it on rare occasions.  But George II can be a funny man when it comes to history and politics and I don’t want him to feel left out of this presentation.  And so I am going to leave you with some truly funny quotes that were in a letter I recently received from the Republican National Committee (yes, I do like to see “oppo stuff” as it is called), headed “President George W. Bush, Friday Morning” (no date).

-          “During my six and a half years in office, you and I have worked together to advance the Republican Party’s principles to keep America safe, strengthen our economy, protect our values and extend the American Dream to every person who’s fortunate to be a citizen of our great country. 

-          “Republicans have a solid record when it comes to protecting the United States of America. 

-          “After the enemy attacked us, I vowed I would rally this nation and use our resources to protect you. And that is exactly what we have done. We have reformed our intelligence services to make sure we can find the enemy before they strike. We have fought to deny them safe haven in Afghanistan and Iraq so they cannot plan and plot again. 

-          “Al Qaeda is the group responsible for the attacks on September 11^th and the most horrific bombings perpetuated on the Iraqi people. That’s why we ought to take the word of al Qaeda seriously when they say, we’re going to drive you out of Iraq so you can have no safe haven to plot and plan attacks on America. The fight for freedom in Iraq is the fight for the security of the United States of America and we must prevail. 

-          “Republicans also have a solid record when it comes to growing this economy.” 

-          “Republicans cut taxes for everybody who pays taxes. We understand that if you have more money in your pocket to save, spend, or invest, the economy will grow. 

-          “If you look carefully at the budget the Democrats proposed, they want to return to the days of tax and spend. They will raise your taxes and figure out new ways to spend your money.” 

Yes, folks, he actually said all of those things, in writing too.  (And for all of this, Bush has been rewarded with a 24% approval rating according to one poll of 10-17-07.  Life is just not fair.)  But I felt that I had to give him equal time on the humor stuff with those from the Republican side who would be his successor, even if they dare not ever mention his name.

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